Unchained rambling
Words, thats all i’m tying to get down. Editing and purpose can come later. Everything has the feeling of something unpolished, tarnished by age even though its new. I want to get to 10,000 words per week before the laborious process of cleanup can begin. Practice practice, beating out chords on the piano for hours. Thats what they do right? Opinions are like assholes, I’ve got lots. Elton was right, sorry is the hardest word. I wonder if it was about a spat with his gay lover. I bet google knows. Still there is anger. fret for your lawsuit and fret for your iphone and fret for your marriage. Its all going to end anyways right, so why not in violence? I wondered today how babies breathe during their passage through the birth canal. For a moment i thought the goo they had in their mouth was like the liquid they breathe in the abyss, then i wondered if i had just given up on trying to get out of that prison if a floating alien would of saved me and brought me out along with the mothership. The look on the doctor’s face would have been priceless. I went to see Avatar last night, it was showing in 9 theaters. The only movie they were playing in fact. We couldn’t get a ticket because the shows are completely sold out until the 30th. 9 theaters…can you believe it? What do i do when lightning strikes me, and i wake to find that you’re not there? Does stop drop and roll work for lightning strikes as well, and why does nobody remember stop drop and roll in the movies? Also does Haiti not have doorways?
So what do I have to do to be heard? Where does my sense of entitlement come from believing that I have anything to say worth listening to. I bet its that god damned first amendment again. Talked about serial killers last night, why do we always assume its a white guy? And how many serial killers don’t ritualize kills and go unnoticed forever? Gacy saw heads on pikes. There is an image of Patrick Bateman, but I am simply not there. It is our duality that i love, the extremes. Compassion and violence, i wonder if one can exist without the other. I often find myself crying at happy things a lot more than things that make me sad. Yes, sometimes tears well up in my eyes. I marvel at our potential for noble acts, and stand in awe of the tremendous power for destruction we possess. I would like to know that it will one day be different, but I bet with my head and not with my heart. The heart has a terrible gambling problem mixed with chronic bad luck. All in all, it can still ride my wing anytime.
I believe love is the answer. My darling, i’ve hungered for your touch….to the sea, to the sea. Pray against reason, hope against hope. Pray that it be. Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Why cant we be believed when we say “i need your love, i need your love, godspeed your love, to me.” Then we hurt ourselves, to see if we still feel. what do you think he meant by empire of dirt? Why do i think of unchained melody and hurt together, is it the johnny cash connection or something deeper? Do pleasure and pain walk hand in hand? Are they jilted lovers, fucking each other only when drunk and waking up to regret and shame? Is it ever really easy like sunday morning? coincidentally this was on the radio on the worst day of my life, right before breakfast. It was the first time I’d ever heard it, it was sunday. The universe gives you signs that everything will be ok. Eventually love prevailed, and i’m in trouble if it leaves me now.
