Krkr Atkr
Tuesday you get a call for a meeting, its Tommy. Tommy has been working for one of your bigger clients for the last six months as a manager. Someone gave him the bright idea that booze companies give sponsorship money for nothing. You know its a trap when he tells you he’ll be bringing in all the suppliers on Thursday, and would like you to be there at 3:00. You talk to your boss, and come up with a plan 20k a year for a two year exclusive. On wednesday you call to confirm.
Thursday comes. You head to the office reconfirm the offer. You’re going to meet Dan today, he’s from texas and usually talking to another cracker is slack. This is the deal, this is the product. Of course the samples are cold, you’ve done this before. Taste please, of course its good.
Dan has a lackey call at 2:58, as you’re walking through the door. You’re never late without letting the account know. They’re obviously nervous. you are one of the very few white guys doing this business over here, hitting the streets and actually talking to customers. On top of that, you have a Bacardi price that can’t be touched. He makes you wait while he talks to someone else. As soon as he begins talking, the speed of his sentences rapidly increases each sentence until he’s blowing out entire paragraphs without pausing for breath. You know this feeling, when you first started doing this and were nervous when giving a pitch this is what would happen. He tells you he’s had 13 people come through today and its practiced. Bullshit. You’re the sales person and he’s trying to sell you, badly. You decide to run this guy through the amatuer hoops he runs you through when pitching a product he isn’t 100% sure of. This will be entertaining.
Keep it simple, “What are you looking for?” you ask. Marketing support is a very common thing in the alcohol industry, its basically legal bribes to help sell your product better. What actually happens to the money is anyone’s guess. In China, negotiation is a hobby, not so much an art. It usually starts with “how much is this?” followed by some ridiculous price that you instantly reject. When your friend came to visit you in china she was astounded that you bought things for around 15-20% of the original price they gave you. “Its too much stress to do this,” she told you. You learned to take pleasure in the hobby as they do, to play it like a game and work their system better than they do. Obviously they’re making money otherwise they wouldn’t sell it to you. Nowadays you usually manage to leave the fakes market feeling like you butt fucked them over more than they butt fucked you. All in all its a great way to spend a Saturday, and a hundred bucks getting a bag full of paul smith knockoffs, a couple of cashmere sweaters and maybe a new pair of shoes or two.
Unfortunately for this guy, he has no answer to your question. He is unpracticed and asks you to make an offer. Your time is valuable and this guy is wasting it. Time to get to the point and either get this bitch pregnant or go home and jerk off. “I cannot make you an offer without knowing what i’m getting, so what’s on the table here? Wall space means nothing to me, I’m a distributor, i’m certainly not going to put my logo on your walls and expect to sell any booze. If Cuervo is buying wall space are they also getting your well tequila? so thats off the table? How many tap handles are you going to have? Which styles of beer will they feature?” Your preparation overwhelms him. He is unpracticed and you are the Kracker Attacker. “It seems like you don’t want to do business with us” This is where things go critically wrong. It becomes painfully obvious that this will be one of those confrontational meetings. Now its time to bring this guy up to speed. “if i didn’t want to business with you i wouldn’t have bothered getting dressed today and coming over here in 30 degree weather,” you say. “I obviously want your business but I cannot give you money without knowing what I get for it, nor can I determine how much money i can give you when I have no idea what im buying.” His face realizes you don’t fuck around. The tirade continues..
“I don’t go to a real estate agent and buy a house without looking at it first, nor do i buy a car without test driving it. Everyone wants to know what they’re going to get and so far you’ve offered me nothing but a pitch based on inflated numbers of how many people will be living here, and our best guess as to how many of them will like your concept over another. I have an offer in my pocket I’m prepared to make but it was for contracts on both locations and not just this one. Furthermore, we’d be prepared to give you the same price you already get at this location, you make tremendous profits on our products and cannot get a better price in town. If you can find a better deal, my personal advice would be to take it, as your bottom line is most important to you. I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”
Later you write an email half your offer, and wait for them to negotiate with you to 75%. You bought Dairy Queen to celebrate.
